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Apparently rugby as a spectator sport is losing market share to all the other sports and events being streamed into our homes. For me, this is a shame because watching rugby is a brilliant way to spend a Saturday afternoon, especially if you’re armed with bag of pretzels or bowl of biltong, and I can’t believe that more and more people are missing out on this pleasure.

It was with this in mind that I thought that rugby needed to be rebranded. You know, to help it stick out in the marketplace. And the basis of any brand is a tagline. Also known as a strapline or slogan, this is the little bit of writing below the main wording of the brand that lets the world know how unique the brand is.

A good tagline is memorable, pithy and witty. Well, I’m not sure if I’m able to meet those requirements but I’ll give it a go. And I’ll try and help a few other sports too, even the ones that aren’t struggling for attention. So, here are some suggestions.

Taglines for popular sports

Rugby: Time for an angry group hug

Football: Nothing happens until you go to the toilet

Cricket: You don’t need a maths degree to work out what’s going on, but it helps

Golf: The ultimate swingers club

Tennis: Keep watching. Someone’s bound to kick off and smash a racket

American Football: Football? They also use their hands. And heads. Crikey, they’re bashing each other with their heads

Motor Racing: Fast cars going round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round